Monday, September 14, 2020

Now what? Now what?

Last weekend we were discussing the chapter 'Pure Silk, Sharp Iron' from Shunryu Suzuki Roshi's book, "Not Always So'. It begins:

“Last week one of the Sunday School children saw me sitting zazen and she said, “I can do it.” She crossed her legs and said, “Now what? Now what?”  I was very interested in her question because many of you have the same question.  You come here every day to practice Zen, and you ask me, “Now what? Now what?”

We all do this to some degree at the beginning of practice. We come to the zendo, we listen to a lecture, we do a few weeks or months of zazen, but eventually we say: now what? What can I read? What can I study? What retreats should I be doing? Isn't there something more I could be doing??


I have a perfect memory of myself at this point. I had been with my teacher for about three months--long enough to have gotten into the rhythm and routine of zazen, kinhin, oryoki meals, work practice, and lectures--but not long enough to really understand the first thing about what I was doing. I remember having dokusan (private interview) with my teacher outside on a stone wall and telling him how excited I was by everything and how I'd created a little sitting area at home and even made my own zafu. Just like the little girl I said something to the effect of, "Now what do I do? Is there something I should be reading or studying?" My teacher was always very good with new people and he very gently replied, "Have you read the book by Trungpa Rinpoche called Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism?" Ouch.

In a kind way, he was pointing out to me that I was approaching Zen practice the same way I had approached pretty much everything else in my life--bringing my ambitious mind to excel, trying to figure it out intellectually, confident that with a lot of hard work I could 'go to the head of the class' and 'get the gold star' for best student. I was stuck in a pattern of 'Now what?' instead of being curious about what 'what' was right now.

As Suzuki Roshi says in the same chapter, “Without sticking to a formal posture, you naturally convey your mind to others in various ways.  You will have the same state of mind sitting in a chair or standing, working or speaking.  It is the state of mind in which you do not stick to anything. This is the purpose of our practice.”  

Not sticking to anything--not to intellectual understanding, not to self-image, not to some special experience, not to political or religious beliefs...not even to Buddha or Buddhism. This does not mean we have no convictions or loyalties or integrity--it just means that we don't get caught by any of these ideas and opinions so that if circumstances change (which they always do) we have the freedom to move and grow because we are not stuck in any one place.


Excerpted from Misha's talk, 'Pure Silk, Sharp Iron', 9/14/20

Based on Suzuki Roshi's chapter 'Pure Silk, Sharp Iron' from 'Not Always So'


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Our ZHS on-line schedule

  • Mondays: 7-8:30pm - zazen, short service, lecture/discussion
  • Tuesdays-Fridays: 5:30-6:10pm - zazen, offering of merit/bows
  • M-F: 7-7:30am - zazen
  • Saturdays: 8:00-10:15am - zazen, short service, tea, discussion/study
  • For more information:  www.zenheartsangha.org) 
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Special bows for today: 
  • Please offer bows for all those families who have lost their lives or their homes in the recent fires in Oregon, California, and Washington
  • Please offer bows for all those at Ashland Zen Center whose families have lost their homes in the recent fires in Oregon
  • Please offer bows for Takiko Kawakami, Fumiko Arao's mother who died 9/2/2020
  • Please offer bows for Jacob Blake, shot and paralyzed in Kenosha, Wisconsin, and for the protesters shot and killed in Portland, OR last weekend
  • Please continue to offer bows of well-being for:   
    • Phyllis Merrill, Misha's mother, who is dying
    • Rev. Les Kaye, Misha’s Zen teacher, who is recovering at home undergoing chemotherapy
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Wonderful links shared by sangha members and friends:

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